Pornography

How to talk to kids about porn

Delaney Ruston, MD
August 8, 2017

TECH TALK TUESDAY #79: HOW TO TALK TO KIDS ABOUT PORN

Child holding ipad covering her face

Who ever thought that we would be living in a world where porn would just pop up unannounced on our screens? I was disappointed recently to see all sorts of sexual content pop up at the end of a YouTube trailer for Embrace, a serious documentary about body image issues.

And it is not just sexual content, not just soft core porn, but hard core porn that is a click away. That means porn is just a click away for so many of our kids. Net blockers can be helpful, but they have their limitations. For example, kids can be on screens at their friend’s or relative’s homes. I strongly believe that we as parents need is to start talking about inappropriate media sooner rather than later. But what do you say and at what age?

Everyone will do things differently, but for this post, I am focusing on having a conversation about the paid sex industry. (I will address the impact of youth viewing of porn at a later date).

For younger children, it is important to explain that sometimes people online might not have clothes on and might be touching others and that you want them to come and talk to you if they see such things.  Tell them that if they see images that make them feel uncomfortable to trust that feeling and let you know. We want to get kids to realize how important it is to “listen to their gut.”

When kids get older, it is important to talk about the realities of the sex industry. It is a fact that humans are wired in a way that they can experience arousal and pleasurable feelings when watching sexy images and sexual acts but there are many reasons why this type of media is not good including:

  • These videos do not reflect real life.
  • There are people who are paid to perform sexual acts.
  • Studies show that 80% of porn has violence towards women.
  • Studies show that the majority of women who are in the sex industry have experienced some form of abuse growing up.

I want to leave with one more thought. It is key to express in our conversations with our children that it is normal to have sexual feelings and not to feel shame about such feelings. Shame is toxic. Shame is the idea that “I am bad, I am not worthy.” As humans, we are social; we are all about connection. When someone feels that they are faulty, not worthy—particularly kids—this can lead to damaging feelings and then to risky behaviors.  

For this week's TTT here are a few questions to get a conversation going around porn:

  • When you are on the internet playing a game or watching a YouTube video, have you ever seen naked people? If so, how does that make you feel?
  • When you see something that makes you feel uncomfortable, what do you do when you get that "uh-oh" feeling?
  • What do you (your kids) know about the paid sex industry?

As well as our weekly blog, we publish videos like this one every week on the Screenagers YouTube channel

Join
443
others who have made the pledge!
Thank you for making the pledge!
Please try again
Book page button

Available now - Parenting in the Screen Age, from Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD

Order Here
Find A screening Button

Find a Screening - Find a screening of our movies in your local community

Learn More

Screenagers Podcast - Join Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD for the latest Podcast

Learn More
Book page button

Available now - Parenting in the Screen Age, from Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD

Learn More
Host a Screening Button

Community Screenings - Learn more about hosting your own Screenagers community screening event!

Learn More
Parenting In The Screen Age Book Cover

Free Book Preview - Download a free preview of "Parenting In The Screen Age" by Delaney Ruston, MD

Learn More

Join Today - Members can screen and view our movies year-round, access new lesson plans, resources and much more!

Learn More
Screenagers Under The Influence Banner

Our New Movie - Learn more about the third movie in the Screenagers Trilogy

Learn More

The Screenagers YouTube Channel - Subscribe for new videos and content from our team weekly!

Learn More
Host a Screening Button

Community Screenings - Learn more about hosting your own Screenagers community screening event!

Learn More
Find A screening Button

Find a Screening - Find a screening of our movies in your local community

Learn More

Screenagers Podcast - Join Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD for the latest Podcast

Learn More
Book page button

Available now - Parenting in the Screen Age, from Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD

Learn More
Host a Screening Button

Community Screenings - Learn more about hosting your own Screenagers community screening event!

Learn More
Parenting In The Screen Age Book Cover

Free Book Preview - Download a free preview of "Parenting In The Screen Age" by Delaney Ruston, MD

Learn More

Join Today - Members can screen and view our movies year-round, access new lesson plans, resources and much more!

Learn More
Screenagers Under The Influence Banner

Our New Movie - Learn more about the third movie in the Screenagers Trilogy

Learn More

The Screenagers YouTube Channel - Subscribe for new videos and content from our team weekly!

Learn More

more like this

Book page button

Available now - Parenting in the Screen Age, from Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD

Order Here
Find A screening Button

Find a Screening - Find a screening of our movies in your local community

Learn More

Screenagers Podcast - Join Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD for the latest Podcast

Learn More
Book page button

Available now - Parenting in the Screen Age, from Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD

Learn More
Host a Screening Button

Community Screenings - Learn more about hosting your own Screenagers community screening event!

Learn More
Parenting In The Screen Age Book Cover

Free Book Preview - Download a free preview of "Parenting In The Screen Age" by Delaney Ruston, MD

Learn More

Join Today - Members can screen and view our movies year-round, access new lesson plans, resources and much more!

Learn More
Screenagers Under The Influence Banner

Our New Movie - Learn more about the third movie in the Screenagers Trilogy

Learn More

The Screenagers YouTube Channel - Subscribe for new videos and content from our team weekly!

Learn More

Screenagers: Elementary School Age Edition - Learn more about our latest movie.

Learn More
Host a Screening Button

Community Screenings - Learn more about hosting your own Screenagers community screening event!

Learn More
Find A screening Button

Find a Screening - Find a screening of our movies in your local community

Learn More

Screenagers Podcast - Join Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD for the latest Podcast

Learn More
Book page button

Available now - Parenting in the Screen Age, from Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD

Learn More
Host a Screening Button

Community Screenings - Learn more about hosting your own Screenagers community screening event!

Learn More
Parenting In The Screen Age Book Cover

Free Book Preview - Download a free preview of "Parenting In The Screen Age" by Delaney Ruston, MD

Learn More

Join Today - Members can screen and view our movies year-round, access new lesson plans, resources and much more!

Learn More
Screenagers Under The Influence Banner

Our New Movie - Learn more about the latest movie in the Screenagers Trilogy

Learn More

The Screenagers YouTube Channel - Subscribe for new videos and content from our team weekly!

Learn More

Screenagers: Elementary School Age Edition - Learn more about our latest movie.

Learn More
Pornography

How to talk to kids about porn

Delaney Ruston, MD
August 8, 2017

TECH TALK TUESDAY #79: HOW TO TALK TO KIDS ABOUT PORN

Child holding ipad covering her face

Who ever thought that we would be living in a world where porn would just pop up unannounced on our screens? I was disappointed recently to see all sorts of sexual content pop up at the end of a YouTube trailer for Embrace, a serious documentary about body image issues.

And it is not just sexual content, not just soft core porn, but hard core porn that is a click away. That means porn is just a click away for so many of our kids. Net blockers can be helpful, but they have their limitations. For example, kids can be on screens at their friend’s or relative’s homes. I strongly believe that we as parents need is to start talking about inappropriate media sooner rather than later. But what do you say and at what age?

Everyone will do things differently, but for this post, I am focusing on having a conversation about the paid sex industry. (I will address the impact of youth viewing of porn at a later date).

For younger children, it is important to explain that sometimes people online might not have clothes on and might be touching others and that you want them to come and talk to you if they see such things.  Tell them that if they see images that make them feel uncomfortable to trust that feeling and let you know. We want to get kids to realize how important it is to “listen to their gut.”

When kids get older, it is important to talk about the realities of the sex industry. It is a fact that humans are wired in a way that they can experience arousal and pleasurable feelings when watching sexy images and sexual acts but there are many reasons why this type of media is not good including:

  • These videos do not reflect real life.
  • There are people who are paid to perform sexual acts.
  • Studies show that 80% of porn has violence towards women.
  • Studies show that the majority of women who are in the sex industry have experienced some form of abuse growing up.

I want to leave with one more thought. It is key to express in our conversations with our children that it is normal to have sexual feelings and not to feel shame about such feelings. Shame is toxic. Shame is the idea that “I am bad, I am not worthy.” As humans, we are social; we are all about connection. When someone feels that they are faulty, not worthy—particularly kids—this can lead to damaging feelings and then to risky behaviors.  

For this week's TTT here are a few questions to get a conversation going around porn:

  • When you are on the internet playing a game or watching a YouTube video, have you ever seen naked people? If so, how does that make you feel?
  • When you see something that makes you feel uncomfortable, what do you do when you get that "uh-oh" feeling?
  • What do you (your kids) know about the paid sex industry?

As well as our weekly blog, we publish videos like this one every week on the Screenagers YouTube channel

More Like This

PORN, Teach About It Or Not?
August 17, 2021
Pornography

PORN, Teach About It Or Not?

Today’s TTT is about whether including the topic of porn in sex education should happen or not is a keen way of instigating dialogue with tweens and teens about porn. And remember, smartphones are unfortunately an easy portal into porn, so nudging ourselves to talk more frequently about porn is so important — these are not easy conversations to have.

READ MORE >
Porn, When And How To Talk About It
February 22, 2021
Pornography

Porn, When And How To Talk About It

Not surprisingly, reports on porn use have shown an upswing of use during COVID. Today I have tips on how to have those necessary and challenging conversations about this with our kids and teens.

READ MORE >

parenting in the screen age

for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.  

ORDER HERE
Parenting in the Screen Age book cover