‘Hookup Culture’—it’s a phrase that gets tossed around all the time, but what does it really mean? More importantly, how does it shape young people’s relationships, self-worth, and social expectations?

In the Screenagers Podcast episode released yesterday, I spoke with Dr. Lisa Wade, an associate professor at Tulane University, author of American Hookup, and a longtime researcher of the intersection of bias, sexism, and mental health. We discussed the realities of hookup culture on college campuses.

We explored how many young people feel trapped in this culture and the expectations that come with it, often leaving them confused, pressured, and unsatisfied.

I was eager to talk with Dr. Wade because I had a LOT of questions about the so-called hookup culture.

The term makes it seem like all teens and young adults are participating, comfortable with it, and accepting of it as just the way things are. But wait—not so fast.

Today, I’m sharing insights from the teens who spoke in the podcast, along with myth-busting information from Lisa, and offering some advice for parents. There’s plenty more in the full episode—and believe it or not, it’s PG and definitely one to share with any youth in your life (tweens and up) as a great way to start this delicate conversation.

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What Is a “Hookup”?

Dr. Wade points out that the term hookup is strategically ambiguous, encompassing any sexual encounter from a simple kiss to sex. So, if someone says they “hooked up” with someone, even other teens won’t necessarily know what it meant. (Frankly, I wish the term making out or an equivalent could make a comeback!)

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The Myth That "Everyone Is Doing It"

One of the biggest misconceptions about hookup culture is that everyone is participating. But research shows:

• Only 15% to 25% of students actively participate and feel okay with it.
• About 30% completely opt out.
• The remaining 40% participate but have mixed feelings.

And then there’s this: Wade’s research finds that 73% of men and 70% of women in one college survey prefer committed relationships.

Here’s what a male college student shared in the podcast:

“Most of the time, it’s not a fun experience. Sometimes it’s great, but more often than not, people are kind of left the next day feeling maybe a little bit regretful, kind of embarrassed, awkward. There’s pressure to hook up, but if you don’t, you feel like you’re missing out.”

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The Unspoken “Rules” of Hookup Culture

Dr. Wade’s research highlights a key element: alcohol is central. Hookups typically start at a party, where drinking is common, and follow a strict, unspoken script:

• Alcohol makes it "casual." Drunk sexual activity is considered purely physical, whereas sober sex is seen as more meaningful.
• Avoid emotional connection. Prolonged eye contact, cuddling, or post-hookup check-ins violate the “no feelings” rule.
• Ghosting is expected. Many students ignore each other afterward to reinforce that it “meant nothing.”

Here’s the same college student again:

“If you hook up with someone and they don’t text you after, that can be pretty hurtful.”

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And a female student from the podcast:

“I’ve had friends who hooked up and then felt really uncomfortable because they couldn’t even communicate their needs.”

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Why Many Feel Stuck

Many students don’t want to participate in hookup culture but feel stigmatized if they don’t.
Since dating culture has become less prevalent—especially compared to before the mid-'80s—those looking for relationships may feel pressured to pretend they don’t care just to get close to someone.

“A lot of people wish there were more ways to hang out besides bars and parties.”

“I feel like most of the time, guys enjoy it more because they don’t have to deal with emotions, but I also have female friends who have no issue with hooking up.”

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And while hookup culture may seem gender-neutral, its effects are often harsher on women.

Lisa Wade says:

“Men who dislike it are usually frustrated or disappointed; women tend to feel disrespected or even traumatized.”

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Here’s another female college student:

“I feel like hookup culture kind of portrays the idea that if you have a high body count, you’re worth something. And if you haven’t had any sexual relations, then you’re not worth as much. And that’s just not true.”

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How Parents Can Help

1. Normalize Wanting a Relationship

Many teens believe that admitting they want a relationship makes them “clingy” or “needy.”
I love this quote from the male student who spoke earlier:

“The end goal is to find someone who gets you and understands you. No one wants to be lonely.”

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Encourage teens to be honest about what they want, and remind them that rejection isn’t a failure—it’s, as Dr. Wade puts it, just dodging the wrong person.

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2. Reinforce That They Deserve Respect

Hookup culture often normalizes cold, dismissive behavior, but no one deserves to be treated like they don’t matter.

“I’ve had friends who were blocked before they even left the room. That’s so harsh.”

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Let’s make it clear: being kind and respectful doesn’t mean being in love. It’s just basic human decency.

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3. Celebrate the Courage to Ask Someone Out

One reason dating culture has faded? Fear of rejection. Many teens find the idea of sitting across from someone on a date more terrifying than a casual hookup.

“I had a friend say, ‘Dinner? Sitting across from someone I don’t know? That’s horrifying.’”

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Encourage teens to take the leap—whether the answer is yes or no, the act of asking is a win.

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Let’s Keep the Conversation Going! The podcast episode goes even deeper into this subject, so we hope you’ll check it out and pass it along to friends!

Listen Here: Apple Podcasts // Spotify // CastBox // YouTube // Website

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Questions to Get the Conversation Started with your group or family:

• When you hear the term hookup culture, what do you think of?
• What do you think about the statistics Dr. Wade found in her research?
• What role do you think entertainment (music, TV, movies, etc.) or social media plays in encouraging or normalizing hookup culture?

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