Many teens feel pressure around what gets called hookup culture, even though research shows most are not fully comfortable with it. In talking with Dr. Lisa Wade and listening to students, I was struck by how ambiguity, alcohol, and fear of rejection shape these experiences, often leaving young people confused or hurt. The impact can differ for boys and girls, but many share a desire for respect and real connection. What helps are honest conversations about feelings, boundaries, and the right to be treated with care, no matter the situation.
‘Hookup Culture’ - it’s a phrase that gets tossed around all the time, but what does it really mean? More importantly, how does it shape young people’s relationships, self-worth, and social expectations?
In the Screenagers Podcast episode released yesterday, I spoke with Dr. Lisa Wade, an associate professor at Tulane University, author of American Hookup, and a longtime researcher of the intersection of bias, sexism, and mental health. We discussed the realities of hookup culture on college campuses.
We explored how many young people feel trapped in this culture and the expectations that come with it, often leaving them confused, pressured, and unsatisfied.
I was eager to talk with Dr. Wade because I had a LOT of questions about the so-called hookup culture.
The term makes it seem like all teens and young adults are participating, comfortable with it, and accepting of it as just the way things are. But wait—not so fast.
Today, I’m sharing insights from the teens who spoke in the podcast, along with myth-busting information from Lisa, and offering some advice for parents.
There’s plenty more in the full episode and believe it or not, it’s PG and definitely one to share with any youth in your life (tweens and up) as a great way to start this delicate conversation.
Learn more about showing our movies in your school or community!
Join Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD for our latest Podcast
Learn more about our Screen-Free Sleep campaign at the website!
Our movie made for parents and educators of younger kids
Learn more about showing our movies in your school or community!
Dr. Wade points out that the term hookup is strategically ambiguous, encompassing any sexual encounter from a simple kiss to sex. So, if someone says they “hooked up” with someone, even other teens won’t necessarily know what it meant. (Frankly, I wish the term making out or an equivalent could make a comeback!)
One of the biggest misconceptions about hookup culture is that everyone is participating. But research shows:
And then there’s this: Wade’s research finds that 73% of men and 70% of women in one college survey prefer committed relationships.
Here’s what a male college student shared in the podcast:
“Most of the time, it’s not a fun experience. Sometimes it’s great, but more often than not, people are kind of left the next day feeling maybe a little bit regretful, kind of embarrassed, awkward. There’s pressure to hook up, but if you don’t, you feel like you’re missing out.”
Dr. Wade’s research highlights a key element: alcohol is central. Hookups typically start at a party, where drinking is common, and follow a strict, unspoken script:
Here’s the same college student again:
“If you hook up with someone and they don’t text you after, that can be pretty hurtful.”
And a female student from the podcast:
“I’ve had friends who hooked up and then felt really uncomfortable because they couldn’t even communicate their needs.”
Many students don’t want to participate in hookup culture but feel stigmatized if they don’t.
Since dating culture has become less prevalent—especially compared to before the mid-'80s—those looking for relationships may feel pressured to pretend they don’t care just to get close to someone.
“A lot of people wish there were more ways to hang out besides bars and parties.”
“I feel like most of the time, guys enjoy it more because they don’t have to deal with emotions, but I also have female friends who have no issue with hooking up.”
And while hookup culture may seem gender-neutral, its effects are often harsher on women.
Lisa Wade says:
“Men who dislike it are usually frustrated or disappointed; women tend to feel disrespected or even traumatized.”
Here’s another female college student:
“I feel like hookup culture kind of portrays the idea that if you have a high body count, you’re worth something. And if you haven’t had any sexual relations, then you’re not worth as much. And that’s just not true.”
Many teens believe that admitting they want a relationship makes them “clingy” or “needy.”
I love this quote from the male student who spoke earlier:
“The end goal is to find someone who gets you and understands you. No one wants to be lonely.”
Encourage teens to be honest about what they want, and remind them that rejection isn’t a failure—it’s, as Dr. Wade puts it, just dodging the wrong person.
Hookup culture often normalizes cold, dismissive behavior, but no one deserves to be treated like they don’t matter.
“I’ve had friends who were blocked before they even left the room. That’s so harsh.”
Let’s make it clear: being kind and respectful doesn’t mean being in love. It’s just basic human decency.
One reason dating culture has faded? Fear of rejection. Many teens find the idea of sitting across from someone on a date more terrifying than a casual hookup.
“I had a friend say, ‘Dinner? Sitting across from someone I don’t know? That’s horrifying.’”
Encourage teens to take the leap—whether the answer is yes or no, the act of asking is a win.
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going! The podcast episode goes even deeper into this subject, so we hope you’ll check it out and pass it along to friends!
Listen Here: Apple Podcasts // Spotify // CastBox // YouTube // Website
Learn more about showing our movies in your school or community!
Join Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD for our latest Podcast
Learn more about our Screen-Free Sleep campaign at the website!
Our movie made for parents and educators of younger kids
Join Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD for our latest Podcast
Be sure to subscribe to our YouTube Channel! We add new videos regularly and you'll find over 100 videos covering parenting advice, guidance, podcasts, movie clips and more. Here's our most recent:
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‘Hookup Culture’ - it’s a phrase that gets tossed around all the time, but what does it really mean? More importantly, how does it shape young people’s relationships, self-worth, and social expectations?
In the Screenagers Podcast episode released yesterday, I spoke with Dr. Lisa Wade, an associate professor at Tulane University, author of American Hookup, and a longtime researcher of the intersection of bias, sexism, and mental health. We discussed the realities of hookup culture on college campuses.
We explored how many young people feel trapped in this culture and the expectations that come with it, often leaving them confused, pressured, and unsatisfied.
I was eager to talk with Dr. Wade because I had a LOT of questions about the so-called hookup culture.
The term makes it seem like all teens and young adults are participating, comfortable with it, and accepting of it as just the way things are. But wait—not so fast.
Today, I’m sharing insights from the teens who spoke in the podcast, along with myth-busting information from Lisa, and offering some advice for parents.
There’s plenty more in the full episode and believe it or not, it’s PG and definitely one to share with any youth in your life (tweens and up) as a great way to start this delicate conversation.
Dr. Wade points out that the term hookup is strategically ambiguous, encompassing any sexual encounter from a simple kiss to sex. So, if someone says they “hooked up” with someone, even other teens won’t necessarily know what it meant. (Frankly, I wish the term making out or an equivalent could make a comeback!)
One of the biggest misconceptions about hookup culture is that everyone is participating. But research shows:
And then there’s this: Wade’s research finds that 73% of men and 70% of women in one college survey prefer committed relationships.
Here’s what a male college student shared in the podcast:
“Most of the time, it’s not a fun experience. Sometimes it’s great, but more often than not, people are kind of left the next day feeling maybe a little bit regretful, kind of embarrassed, awkward. There’s pressure to hook up, but if you don’t, you feel like you’re missing out.”
Dr. Wade’s research highlights a key element: alcohol is central. Hookups typically start at a party, where drinking is common, and follow a strict, unspoken script:
Here’s the same college student again:
“If you hook up with someone and they don’t text you after, that can be pretty hurtful.”
And a female student from the podcast:
“I’ve had friends who hooked up and then felt really uncomfortable because they couldn’t even communicate their needs.”
Many students don’t want to participate in hookup culture but feel stigmatized if they don’t.
Since dating culture has become less prevalent—especially compared to before the mid-'80s—those looking for relationships may feel pressured to pretend they don’t care just to get close to someone.
“A lot of people wish there were more ways to hang out besides bars and parties.”
“I feel like most of the time, guys enjoy it more because they don’t have to deal with emotions, but I also have female friends who have no issue with hooking up.”
And while hookup culture may seem gender-neutral, its effects are often harsher on women.
Lisa Wade says:
“Men who dislike it are usually frustrated or disappointed; women tend to feel disrespected or even traumatized.”
Here’s another female college student:
“I feel like hookup culture kind of portrays the idea that if you have a high body count, you’re worth something. And if you haven’t had any sexual relations, then you’re not worth as much. And that’s just not true.”
Many teens believe that admitting they want a relationship makes them “clingy” or “needy.”
I love this quote from the male student who spoke earlier:
“The end goal is to find someone who gets you and understands you. No one wants to be lonely.”
Encourage teens to be honest about what they want, and remind them that rejection isn’t a failure—it’s, as Dr. Wade puts it, just dodging the wrong person.
Hookup culture often normalizes cold, dismissive behavior, but no one deserves to be treated like they don’t matter.
“I’ve had friends who were blocked before they even left the room. That’s so harsh.”
Let’s make it clear: being kind and respectful doesn’t mean being in love. It’s just basic human decency.
One reason dating culture has faded? Fear of rejection. Many teens find the idea of sitting across from someone on a date more terrifying than a casual hookup.
“I had a friend say, ‘Dinner? Sitting across from someone I don’t know? That’s horrifying.’”
Encourage teens to take the leap—whether the answer is yes or no, the act of asking is a win.
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going! The podcast episode goes even deeper into this subject, so we hope you’ll check it out and pass it along to friends!
Listen Here: Apple Podcasts // Spotify // CastBox // YouTube // Website
Be sure to subscribe to our YouTube Channel! We add new videos regularly and you'll find over 100 videos covering parenting advice, guidance, podcasts, movie clips and more. Here's our most recent:
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‘Hookup Culture’ - it’s a phrase that gets tossed around all the time, but what does it really mean? More importantly, how does it shape young people’s relationships, self-worth, and social expectations?
In the Screenagers Podcast episode released yesterday, I spoke with Dr. Lisa Wade, an associate professor at Tulane University, author of American Hookup, and a longtime researcher of the intersection of bias, sexism, and mental health. We discussed the realities of hookup culture on college campuses.
We explored how many young people feel trapped in this culture and the expectations that come with it, often leaving them confused, pressured, and unsatisfied.
I was eager to talk with Dr. Wade because I had a LOT of questions about the so-called hookup culture.
The term makes it seem like all teens and young adults are participating, comfortable with it, and accepting of it as just the way things are. But wait—not so fast.
Today, I’m sharing insights from the teens who spoke in the podcast, along with myth-busting information from Lisa, and offering some advice for parents.
There’s plenty more in the full episode and believe it or not, it’s PG and definitely one to share with any youth in your life (tweens and up) as a great way to start this delicate conversation.
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READ MORE >for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.
