One day Tessa came charging into my office with her laptop and said, “Mom, look at this video!”
It was a video titled “I hate my life” by a YouTuber named Luna Montana.
Tessa explained that Luna is a popular YouTuber, and this particular video was of Luna in tears because she was really questioning her whole online life. What struck Tessa was that this is not that common for YouTubers to do. Yes, they can share personal information and such, but rarely do they break down and express their ambivalence of being an influencer.
“It’s so dark for me to make idealized versions of myself just so people can praise that version of me. How am I supposed to love my actual real self?”
“I am showing my body all the time, showing provocative content all the time, it is not me, it’s just a cry for attention.”
“I’m making videos of me buying fashion … it’s so useless.”
“I’m becoming the girl I didn’t want to be.”
After watching the video, I asked Tessa if I could see what Luna usually is like on social media, and she showed me her Instagram feed. My husband was in the room, and we both glanced over to see one gorgeous shot after another, and some were fairly suggestive, like one where she’s wearing lingerie.
One phrase just kept coming into my mind while seeing all this, “Mixed messages, truly mixed messages.” I thought of the millions of young girls growing up with a steady stream of YouTube videos with influencers giving so many mixed messages. On the one hand, it is great that Luna is sharing that she is so conflicted about what she is doing. On the other hand, how would an 11-year-old girl reconcile Luna’s countless videos showing her having so much fun, hundreds of glamorous photos, and videos of shopping sprees?
Life is full of contradictions, and our kids try to make sense of them every day. What is their take on the YouTubers they watch? On Luna’s video?
From my perspective, I do appreciate that by making the video, Luna is giving her viewers a fuller perspective of a YouTuber’s complicated relationship with their life. It is not all glam all the time, and negative self-talk is a reality no matter how glam someone looks.
Also, in the video, Luna talks about how she is dealing with intense emotions and getting support from a therapist — I am glad that she is normalizing getting help from a therapist.
Another aspect of Luna’s video worth discussing is how each of us decides what feels authentic and what feels more crafted. YouTubers use frequent jump cuts in their editing. Does this kind of editing make us wonder how much is spontaneous and sincere vs. more intentionally sculpted? From my perspective, I experienced real empathy when I watched her video — she seems to be truly struggling, and my heart goes out to her.
Sharing Luna’s “I hate my life” video with your kids can be a way to bring up the topic of all the complex messages, direct and indirect, that viewers get when watching influencers. (By the way, it’s a long video and by no means do you have to watch the whole thing to get a good conversation going.) And a final note: be prepared that Luna’s video brings up a lot about body image that is a painful reminder of this very charged topic and merits more time in a later Tech Talk Tuesdays blog post.
As well as our weekly blog, we publish videos like this one every week on the Screenagers YouTube channel
One day Tessa came charging into my office with her laptop and said, “Mom, look at this video!”
It was a video titled “I hate my life” by a YouTuber named Luna Montana.
Tessa explained that Luna is a popular YouTuber, and this particular video was of Luna in tears because she was really questioning her whole online life. What struck Tessa was that this is not that common for YouTubers to do. Yes, they can share personal information and such, but rarely do they break down and express their ambivalence of being an influencer.
“It’s so dark for me to make idealized versions of myself just so people can praise that version of me. How am I supposed to love my actual real self?”
“I am showing my body all the time, showing provocative content all the time, it is not me, it’s just a cry for attention.”
“I’m making videos of me buying fashion … it’s so useless.”
“I’m becoming the girl I didn’t want to be.”
Many young people are overwhelmed by constant social media use, which can displace important activities like sleep, schoolwork, and friendships. Over 200 school districts are suing platforms like Meta for harms related to social media addiction. The blog covers what problematic social media use is from a clinical perspective and how our kids can talk with a friend (or family member) if they are worried their friend might have some level of problematic use.
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A week ago, Instagram announced changes to its rules for “Teen Accounts.” All new teen users will be defaulted into these accounts, and current teen users will transition over the next two months. Instagram’s head of Products, discussed these changes, and one comment surprised me. She mentioned that teens aged 13 to 16 will need parental permission to have a public account, hoping this would encourage dialogue between teens and parents about social media use. However, I feel this still puts too much responsibility on parents when we need broader societal solutions. I discuss this and the rest of the changes in today's blog.
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We have created a table that compares the 4 most common social media platforms and the specific ways they are similar and different. Spoiler alert, they are way more similar than different. It makes perfect sense since companies see what young people use on other apps and incorporate such features into their own apps.
READ MORE >for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.
