I have one goal with this week’s blog: Inspire you to make one and only one New Year’s Resolution about screen time rules. Maybe that has to do with your own behavior with screen time, maybe with your kids, family, or even work. And I share my one-screen time rule at the end.
Remember, a New Year’s Resolution does not mean you are committing for an entire year. You get to decide how long to try something — say a month, and then assess how it is going after that time passes. Want to continue it?
One of the most effective ways I help a patient, be it a preteen, teenager, or adult, create a new habit (and that is what we want screen time rules to become) is by deciding with them an underwhelming behavior change to do.
Rather than a patient choosing an overwhelming goal, such as “I will study 2 hours every single night, I’m going to join two new afterschool clubs, I will start to jog every day,” I work with them to choose an underwhelming goal.
For example, “How about 10 minutes in the morning of a YouTube exercise video 3 times a week? And you may be compelled to do over 10 minutes, but don’t. You may well want to do more, but don’t. We want to get this doable habit in place before adding on. Having that urge to do more will help you stick to the next session.
Also, it is important that you celebrate your victories. This also gets the brain to want to repeat the action. So, for example, treat yourself to something fun at the end of the week by doing that three times a week. Let's see each other in a month and see how it goes.”
I have the patient tell me something that could be a treat they would like — maybe calling a bestie for a long call, having a food treat, watching a favorite show, etc.
Let me reiterate that science consistently demonstrates that experiencing a sense of achievement during the process of forming new habits is crucial for their longevity.
So, in this same vein, choose one specific aspect of your screen time habits, or those of your kids, to focus on and work towards changing.
Perhaps you haven't considered adopting even a single New Year's resolution yet. However, since you've been reading my blog up to this point, you're likely open to the idea.
For yourself:
You decide to cut back on 30 minutes of watching shows a week (or reading news on your phone, etc.) and swap it for reading in the living room for 30 minutes (bonus, your child gets to see you read, and you might reap the bonus of them reading next to you someday).
Maybe you're considering using screen time more constructively by using it to delve into social issues with your child. In that case, you could dedicate 10 minutes each week to watching videos about a chosen issue (such as species saved to date due to the Endangered Species Act) and sharing them with your child on Monday evenings before dinner.
Perhaps you want to model healthy screen time better for your child. Once a day in January, try to “live out loud” by announcing your purpose when you are on your phone. You might say something like, “I am using it as a tool,” or “I am using it as a treat, which I do about 15 minutes a day,” or “I am using it for talk.” (“Talk,” by the way, can fall under the tool or treat categories — a distinction that can be fun to discuss with kids.)
For your child:
Maybe you realize that video gaming is getting in the way of your child doing things that are important for their social and emotional development, such as learning to be a helper (playing with a little sibling, walking a dog, etc.) or engaging in basic life responsibilities (such as school work, chores, etc.). So, you decide to talk with them about establishing a structure where their video gaming is some set amount of time, but it will get earned by first completing specific tasks or responsibilities.
This approach can help balance their gaming with other important developmental activities.
If for your child it is not about video gaming but rather a combination of Youtube, TikTok, and other apps, you can apply the same new rule.
Maybe you are tired of driving your kids around while they are on their phones. So you talk with them about creating a new rule for the car. Together, you decide that during the first 5 minutes in the car, they can check their phones, and then phones go in the glove compartment for the rest of the ride.
At the end of this blog are links to past blogs with more ideas, but honestly, I don’t want to bombard you with many examples. We know from research that the paradox of choice is real. The more choices we get, the more likely we can become paralyzed to choose anything!
I am very excited about a personal challenge I've set for myself to undertake throughout January, after which I'll evaluate its impact. The challenge involves taking a substantial walk each weekend without bringing my phone along. Like many, I like to have my phone on a Saturday or Sunday. The main reasons would be to record ideas when they pop into my head, take photos or videos, call one of my kids or friends, listen to a podcast, and be available if kids or family want to reach me.
All that is true, but it comes at a cost. Like most people, I am pulled to my phone and not totally present with my walk. So, I am excited to give this a go. Other times, I have walked without my phone, but I like the idea of a weekly practice. Something that I know will help me meet this goal is that by writing this here, I have you all to keep me accountable.
Also, I am buying a wall calendar this week to hang prominently in my office and will put a big mark on each weekend to ensure I do not forget my resolution. (Since childhood, I have always had an arty wall calendar and cherish the fun of picking them out.)
I hope you will also use accountability for the one screen time resolution you make for yourself, your family, or your child. Share it with someone else and check in to let them know how things are going. And if you make one with your child for their screen use, share it with another parent or even your parent.
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I have one goal with this week’s blog: Inspire you to make one and only one New Year’s Resolution about screen time rules. Maybe that has to do with your own behavior with screen time, maybe with your kids, family, or even work. And I share my one-screen time rule at the end.
Remember, a New Year’s Resolution does not mean you are committing for an entire year. You get to decide how long to try something — say a month, and then assess how it is going after that time passes. Want to continue it?
One of the most effective ways I help a patient, be it a preteen, teenager, or adult, create a new habit (and that is what we want screen time rules to become) is by deciding with them an underwhelming behavior change to do.
Rather than a patient choosing an overwhelming goal, such as “I will study 2 hours every single night, I’m going to join two new afterschool clubs, I will start to jog every day,” I work with them to choose an underwhelming goal.
For example, “How about 10 minutes in the morning of a YouTube exercise video 3 times a week? And you may be compelled to do over 10 minutes, but don’t. You may well want to do more, but don’t. We want to get this doable habit in place before adding on. Having that urge to do more will help you stick to the next session.
Also, it is important that you celebrate your victories. This also gets the brain to want to repeat the action. So, for example, treat yourself to something fun at the end of the week by doing that three times a week. Let's see each other in a month and see how it goes.”
I have the patient tell me something that could be a treat they would like — maybe calling a bestie for a long call, having a food treat, watching a favorite show, etc.
Let me reiterate that science consistently demonstrates that experiencing a sense of achievement during the process of forming new habits is crucial for their longevity.
So, in this same vein, choose one specific aspect of your screen time habits, or those of your kids, to focus on and work towards changing.
Perhaps you haven't considered adopting even a single New Year's resolution yet. However, since you've been reading my blog up to this point, you're likely open to the idea.
The Pew Research Center recently released findings from a study conducted in the Fall of 2023, which has important stats that can help inform our parenting and spark essential conversations with our youth. I’ve structured today’s blog to state the findings first and then write about the solutions later.
READ MORE >
A few weeks ago I wrote a blog and encouraged people to share with youth in their lives whatever small change they made and to share with me as well so that I could share with you! And that is what I am doing today. I received some great responses. Here are a few examples people shared with me:
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I bet there is one thing (at least) about your phone that you have been meaning to do, and yet you have not taken the time to do it. Yes? I just got another alert from the social media app, BeReal. I downloaded it with my kids a while back to learn about it. I don’t use it. Instead, I have been repeatedly irked whenever it pings me (it does that even with notifications turned off). I keep saying to myself, "Oh, yes, I have to delete that.” And then I never do. SO RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT, I am inviting you to do one tiny thing (yep, right now) …
READ MORE >for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.
