Last week I was talking with a counselor at a high school who told me about how the students immediately go on their cell phones when they leave classrooms and enter the hallways, and that she was “...sure they are all losing their ability to communicate.” When people have said this to me, I think they are often surprised by my response which is:
“I can relate to your concerns—but let’s also think about Aunt Jane or Uncle Joe who didn’t grow up with much screen time but, boy, do they struggle with effective communication.”
However, I don’t mean to say that a preponderance of screen time is not impacting kids’ communication skills—I believe there surely are effects. Sadly, there is practically no published research that compares communication skills of today’s youth to those of youth in the past. I would love to see data for such things as frequency of eye contact, ability to confidently talk to people of all ages, and confidence in expressing uncomfortable thoughts and emotions.
I am a big believer that communication is a teachable skill. We can all learn more productive ways to handle in-person interactions. During my medicine residency, mentors taught me how to navigate a multitude of communication challenges—such as with people from different cultures and end of life discussions. I realized there was an entire science of communication and I was eager to learn more—so after my residency, I went on to do a Fellowship in Medical Ethics focusing specifically on doctor-patient communication.
Let’s use this week’s Tech Talk Tuesday time to discuss communication skills with our children or students. I want to share a communication tool that comes from a field of therapy, called DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), created by Marsha Linehan. It’s called DEAR, and it is great to use when anyone is about to ask for something that they are nervous about.
D = Describe the situation
E = Emotion you are feeling about the issue
A = Ask for what you want
R = Reiterate how it will benefit both of you if this can be worked out
My son, Chase and I talked today about DEAR, and he gave me an example of a friend he wants to try DEAR on this week. The friend is frequently off in the corner on his phone when the two of them are together. This is what Chase plans to do:
D = Describe to his friend that he sees him checking his phone much of the time they are together
E = Because of this Chase feels distant (the emotion) when they hang out
A = Ask him if they could try hanging out just one day with their phones entirely out of view
R = Reiterate that he thinks they would both have a better time together
So for TTT let's talk about communication. How do we improve our face-to-face communication skills? Here are some questions to get the conversation started:
Here is a video from the Screenagers YouTube Channel that talks more about this subject
Last week I was talking with a counselor at a high school who told me about how the students immediately go on their cell phones when they leave classrooms and enter the hallways, and that she was “...sure they are all losing their ability to communicate.” When people have said this to me, I think they are often surprised by my response which is:
“I can relate to your concerns—but let’s also think about Aunt Jane or Uncle Joe who didn’t grow up with much screen time but, boy, do they struggle with effective communication.”
However, I don’t mean to say that a preponderance of screen time is not impacting kids’ communication skills—I believe there surely are effects. Sadly, there is practically no published research that compares communication skills of today’s youth to those of youth in the past. I would love to see data for such things as frequency of eye contact, ability to confidently talk to people of all ages, and confidence in expressing uncomfortable thoughts and emotions.
I am a big believer that communication is a teachable skill. We can all learn more productive ways to handle in-person interactions. During my medicine residency, mentors taught me how to navigate a multitude of communication challenges—such as with people from different cultures and end of life discussions. I realized there was an entire science of communication and I was eager to learn more—so after my residency, I went on to do a Fellowship in Medical Ethics focusing specifically on doctor-patient communication.
Let’s use this week’s Tech Talk Tuesday time to discuss communication skills with our children or students. I want to share a communication tool that comes from a field of therapy, called DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), created by Marsha Linehan. It’s called DEAR, and it is great to use when anyone is about to ask for something that they are nervous about.
D = Describe the situation
E = Emotion you are feeling about the issue
A = Ask for what you want
R = Reiterate how it will benefit both of you if this can be worked out
My son, Chase and I talked today about DEAR, and he gave me an example of a friend he wants to try DEAR on this week. The friend is frequently off in the corner on his phone when the two of them are together. This is what Chase plans to do:
D = Describe to his friend that he sees him checking his phone much of the time they are together
E = Because of this Chase feels distant (the emotion) when they hang out
A = Ask him if they could try hanging out just one day with their phones entirely out of view
R = Reiterate that he thinks they would both have a better time together
So for TTT let's talk about communication. How do we improve our face-to-face communication skills? Here are some questions to get the conversation started:
Here is a video from the Screenagers YouTube Channel that talks more about this subject
Sometimes, I sit down to write this blog with a huge smile on my face — this is one of those times! 😊 When COVID hit, I worried about young people feeling isolated. I knew peer-to-peer programs could be powerful, but I realized there were almost none focused on navigating online challenges. So, over two and a half years, with the help of some brilliant peers, professionals, and teens we developed Boosting Bravery — a free mental wellness club that aims to provide students with knowledge and practical skills to thrive in their online and offline lives. Now, I’m thrilled to publicly launch this program that schools can access for free.
READ MORE >‘Hookup Culture’—it’s a phrase that gets tossed around all the time, but what does it really mean? More importantly, how does it shape young people’s relationships, self-worth, and social expectations? The term makes it seem like all teens and young adults are participating, comfortable with it, and accepting of it as just the way things are. But wait—not so fast. Today, I’m sharing insights from teens I spoke to in my recent podcast on this topic, along with myth-busting information from Dr. Lisa Wade who offered advice for parents.
READ MORE >This blog explores how children often perceive parental love as conditional, linked to their achievements. It offers insights on fostering unconditional love, with reflections and practical questions to help parents ensure their children feel valued for who they are, not just for what they accomplish.
READ MORE >for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.