In a recent blog, I wrote about how to effectively say “no” around screen time and I promised to write more about accountability and consequences when rules are broken. Enforcing rules is by far one of the hardest things we do as parents, especially with teens. There is so little written that gives example consequences and yet getting ideas is so important as a parent. So after you read this, share what you do in the comments section below — that would be a real gift.
Knowing I would write this tonight, I decided to clarify with my daughter, Tessa (who is in Screenagers — and now in 11th grade), the consequences regarding the rules (that she helped create) around screen time at night. Sunday through Thursday night, at a time we agreed upon she hands my husband or me her phone, or she or she plugs it in to charge in the corner of my bedroom. The rule includes not using her computer for socializing after that time as well — i.e. no instant messaging or Instagram on the computer.
I asked her for ideas for consequences if she did not turn in the phone at the agreed upon time. Her first one was that if she breaks the rule she would not have access to her phone for the entire following day. I responded “really?” — with a tone that implied that maybe that would be too harsh. And then, she quickly came up with something a little less harsh, “I can’t bring it to school the next day.” We agreed that made sense.
Next, we started brainstorming ways she would succeed with the rule. I asked if she thought it would help her to put an alarm on her phone for the time she is supposed to put it in my room. She said, “Yep, that makes sense, I will set it for 5 minutes before to help remind me.”
Setting fair consequences, that our youth help set (when possible), is a gift we give our children. It is a lot easier to “check out” and just let kids and teens sort out for themselves what, when and how long they want to use screens. But, of course, that is not the solution. Frankly, that approach would prevent many kids from reaching short and long-term goals. In Screenagers we look at the research about how improving one’s self-control is a predictor of all sorts of positive outcomes later in life. Having a few key rules and practice following them does indeed strengthen executive functioning and self-control.
It is not just a politically correct idea that we involve youth in establishing their rules and consequences, I believe it is actually fundamental. As children become teens, having autonomy and feeling respected are increasingly important. Let them know how much you regard their input and that you understand they want control over their lives. Let them also know that a healthy home has screen time limits, period. It is just the way it is, research shows that this is extremely important.
A parent’s goal is to enforce a rule in a matter of fact way, staying calm. No lecturing, no yelling. This can be so hard, but it is worth it. This is all about decreasing power struggles. If a rule ultimately does not work, then find a time to discuss the issue — which is one of the main reasons that Tech Talk Tuesdays exists.
Rule: Phone gets handed over to a parent at 9 pm.
Predetermined Consequence> If not done, the next night a parent takes the phone at 8 pm. Then, the night after, go back to the original rule where the child hands it over at 9.
Rule: iPad (or another portable screen) is not to be in the bedroom, but to stay in the office or another family common space.
Predetermined Consequence> If brought into the bedroom, iPad is put away for the rest of the day and is not used the next day at all.
Rule: No video games on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
Predefined Consequence> If found to be playing video games, they lose video game time for one day.
Rule: While doing homework, keep the phone in another room but can take phone breaks.
Predefined Consequence> If they are found with the phone by the computer while they work, then it gets put away for the rest of the day.
Rule: Parent gives a specific amount of time the child/teen can play a video game.
Predefined Consequence> If the child does not comply when the time is up, the time the child can play is shortened by 10 minutes the next scheduled video game play.
Rule: Not to use a personal device at a certain event, such as a family gathering.
Predefined Consequence> If uses a device at the event, they cannot use that device after the event and following morning.
Rule: No use of your phone in class. (You might only hear about this from a teacher or administrator.)
Predefined Consequence> If phone is being used, then it must stay home the next day. If it happens again, it would be for the week.
Rule: No internet or video games during the school week — if needs to check something on the internet, must ask a parent first.
Predefined Consequence> If found doing this during the week then they lose some of Saturday computer time.
Rule: The kitchen is a device-free zone in the house.
Predefined Consequence> When the child is on a device in the kitchen they get one warning, but the next time they lose the nighttime privilege of 20 minutes of screen time that day.
We would love for you to share this TTT any way that works for you, whether that’s on social media or via a newsletter. If you want to send it out in your newsletter we just ask that you credit us and link to our website, and let us know at lisa@screenagersmovie.com.
HOST A SCREENING to help spark change.
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Stay in touch with the Screenagers community on Facebook, Twitter and at www.screenagersmovie.com.
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Learn more about showing our movies in your school or community!
Join Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD for our latest Podcast
Learn more about our Screen-Free Sleep campaign at the website!
Our movie made for parents and educators of younger kids
Join Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD for our latest Podcast
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In a recent blog, I wrote about how to effectively say “no” around screen time and I promised to write more about accountability and consequences when rules are broken. Enforcing rules is by far one of the hardest things we do as parents, especially with teens. There is so little written that gives example consequences and yet getting ideas is so important as a parent. So after you read this, share what you do in the comments section below — that would be a real gift.
Knowing I would write this tonight, I decided to clarify with my daughter, Tessa (who is in Screenagers — and now in 11th grade), the consequences regarding the rules (that she helped create) around screen time at night. Sunday through Thursday night, at a time we agreed upon she hands my husband or me her phone, or she or she plugs it in to charge in the corner of my bedroom. The rule includes not using her computer for socializing after that time as well — i.e. no instant messaging or Instagram on the computer.
I asked her for ideas for consequences if she did not turn in the phone at the agreed upon time. Her first one was that if she breaks the rule she would not have access to her phone for the entire following day. I responded “really?” — with a tone that implied that maybe that would be too harsh. And then, she quickly came up with something a little less harsh, “I can’t bring it to school the next day.” We agreed that made sense.
Next, we started brainstorming ways she would succeed with the rule. I asked if she thought it would help her to put an alarm on her phone for the time she is supposed to put it in my room. She said, “Yep, that makes sense, I will set it for 5 minutes before to help remind me.”
Setting fair consequences, that our youth help set (when possible), is a gift we give our children. It is a lot easier to “check out” and just let kids and teens sort out for themselves what, when and how long they want to use screens. But, of course, that is not the solution. Frankly, that approach would prevent many kids from reaching short and long-term goals. In Screenagers we look at the research about how improving one’s self-control is a predictor of all sorts of positive outcomes later in life. Having a few key rules and practice following them does indeed strengthen executive functioning and self-control.
It is not just a politically correct idea that we involve youth in establishing their rules and consequences, I believe it is actually fundamental. As children become teens, having autonomy and feeling respected are increasingly important. Let them know how much you regard their input and that you understand they want control over their lives. Let them also know that a healthy home has screen time limits, period. It is just the way it is, research shows that this is extremely important.
A parent’s goal is to enforce a rule in a matter of fact way, staying calm. No lecturing, no yelling. This can be so hard, but it is worth it. This is all about decreasing power struggles. If a rule ultimately does not work, then find a time to discuss the issue — which is one of the main reasons that Tech Talk Tuesdays exists.
Rule: Phone gets handed over to a parent at 9 pm.
Predetermined Consequence> If not done, the next night a parent takes the phone at 8 pm. Then, the night after, go back to the original rule where the child hands it over at 9.
Rule: iPad (or another portable screen) is not to be in the bedroom, but to stay in the office or another family common space.
Predetermined Consequence> If brought into the bedroom, iPad is put away for the rest of the day and is not used the next day at all.
Rule: No video games on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
Predefined Consequence> If found to be playing video games, they lose video game time for one day.
Rule: While doing homework, keep the phone in another room but can take phone breaks.
Predefined Consequence> If they are found with the phone by the computer while they work, then it gets put away for the rest of the day.
Rule: Parent gives a specific amount of time the child/teen can play a video game.
Predefined Consequence> If the child does not comply when the time is up, the time the child can play is shortened by 10 minutes the next scheduled video game play.
Rule: Not to use a personal device at a certain event, such as a family gathering.
Predefined Consequence> If uses a device at the event, they cannot use that device after the event and following morning.
Rule: No use of your phone in class. (You might only hear about this from a teacher or administrator.)
Predefined Consequence> If phone is being used, then it must stay home the next day. If it happens again, it would be for the week.
Rule: No internet or video games during the school week — if needs to check something on the internet, must ask a parent first.
Predefined Consequence> If found doing this during the week then they lose some of Saturday computer time.
Rule: The kitchen is a device-free zone in the house.
Predefined Consequence> When the child is on a device in the kitchen they get one warning, but the next time they lose the nighttime privilege of 20 minutes of screen time that day.
We would love for you to share this TTT any way that works for you, whether that’s on social media or via a newsletter. If you want to send it out in your newsletter we just ask that you credit us and link to our website, and let us know at lisa@screenagersmovie.com.
HOST A SCREENING to help spark change.
FIND EVENT LISTINGS
Stay in touch with the Screenagers community on Facebook, Twitter and at www.screenagersmovie.com.
Now Available for Educators: A New Professional Development Resource
Request more information about this 6-hour ready-to-use Professional Development module.
Sign up here to receive the weekly Tech Talk Tuesdays newsletter from Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD.
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In a recent blog, I wrote about how to effectively say “no” around screen time and I promised to write more about accountability and consequences when rules are broken. Enforcing rules is by far one of the hardest things we do as parents, especially with teens. There is so little written that gives example consequences and yet getting ideas is so important as a parent. So after you read this, share what you do in the comments section below — that would be a real gift.
Knowing I would write this tonight, I decided to clarify with my daughter, Tessa (who is in Screenagers — and now in 11th grade), the consequences regarding the rules (that she helped create) around screen time at night. Sunday through Thursday night, at a time we agreed upon she hands my husband or me her phone, or she or she plugs it in to charge in the corner of my bedroom. The rule includes not using her computer for socializing after that time as well — i.e. no instant messaging or Instagram on the computer.
I asked her for ideas for consequences if she did not turn in the phone at the agreed upon time. Her first one was that if she breaks the rule she would not have access to her phone for the entire following day. I responded “really?” — with a tone that implied that maybe that would be too harsh. And then, she quickly came up with something a little less harsh, “I can’t bring it to school the next day.” We agreed that made sense.
Next, we started brainstorming ways she would succeed with the rule. I asked if she thought it would help her to put an alarm on her phone for the time she is supposed to put it in my room. She said, “Yep, that makes sense, I will set it for 5 minutes before to help remind me.”
Setting fair consequences, that our youth help set (when possible), is a gift we give our children. It is a lot easier to “check out” and just let kids and teens sort out for themselves what, when and how long they want to use screens. But, of course, that is not the solution. Frankly, that approach would prevent many kids from reaching short and long-term goals. In Screenagers we look at the research about how improving one’s self-control is a predictor of all sorts of positive outcomes later in life. Having a few key rules and practice following them does indeed strengthen executive functioning and self-control.
It is not just a politically correct idea that we involve youth in establishing their rules and consequences, I believe it is actually fundamental. As children become teens, having autonomy and feeling respected are increasingly important. Let them know how much you regard their input and that you understand they want control over their lives. Let them also know that a healthy home has screen time limits, period. It is just the way it is, research shows that this is extremely important.
A parent’s goal is to enforce a rule in a matter of fact way, staying calm. No lecturing, no yelling. This can be so hard, but it is worth it. This is all about decreasing power struggles. If a rule ultimately does not work, then find a time to discuss the issue — which is one of the main reasons that Tech Talk Tuesdays exists.
Rule: Phone gets handed over to a parent at 9 pm.
Predetermined Consequence> If not done, the next night a parent takes the phone at 8 pm. Then, the night after, go back to the original rule where the child hands it over at 9.
Rule: iPad (or another portable screen) is not to be in the bedroom, but to stay in the office or another family common space.
Predetermined Consequence> If brought into the bedroom, iPad is put away for the rest of the day and is not used the next day at all.
Rule: No video games on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
Predefined Consequence> If found to be playing video games, they lose video game time for one day.
Rule: While doing homework, keep the phone in another room but can take phone breaks.
Predefined Consequence> If they are found with the phone by the computer while they work, then it gets put away for the rest of the day.
Rule: Parent gives a specific amount of time the child/teen can play a video game.
Predefined Consequence> If the child does not comply when the time is up, the time the child can play is shortened by 10 minutes the next scheduled video game play.
Rule: Not to use a personal device at a certain event, such as a family gathering.
Predefined Consequence> If uses a device at the event, they cannot use that device after the event and following morning.
Rule: No use of your phone in class. (You might only hear about this from a teacher or administrator.)
Predefined Consequence> If phone is being used, then it must stay home the next day. If it happens again, it would be for the week.
Rule: No internet or video games during the school week — if needs to check something on the internet, must ask a parent first.
Predefined Consequence> If found doing this during the week then they lose some of Saturday computer time.
Rule: The kitchen is a device-free zone in the house.
Predefined Consequence> When the child is on a device in the kitchen they get one warning, but the next time they lose the nighttime privilege of 20 minutes of screen time that day.
We would love for you to share this TTT any way that works for you, whether that’s on social media or via a newsletter. If you want to send it out in your newsletter we just ask that you credit us and link to our website, and let us know at lisa@screenagersmovie.com.
HOST A SCREENING to help spark change.
FIND EVENT LISTINGS
Stay in touch with the Screenagers community on Facebook, Twitter and at www.screenagersmovie.com.
Now Available for Educators: A New Professional Development Resource
Request more information about this 6-hour ready-to-use Professional Development module.
Hobbies offer benefits at every age, from helping children build a sense of self to giving retirees a renewed sense of purpose. The word traces back to the 1400s as a nickname for a small horse, later evolving into today's meaning of a pastime pursued for its own sake. Parents can spark interest by sharing their own hobby histories, building a family-history hobby list, and trying new activities together. Summer is an ideal time to lean into offline hobbies as an antidote to screen saturation.
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When kids break a rule, most parents default to handing down a consequence. But research on autonomy-supportive parenting shows that inviting kids to help decide the consequence leads to deeper learning, stronger accountability, and even kinder behavior toward others. Younger kids tend to overpunish themselves while teens often go easy, and both create natural openings for parents to guide the conversation. The goal isn't softer consequences. It's consequences that actually teach.
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Kids with ADHD benefit most when parents provide support at the exact moment behavior happens, a science-backed approach called "point of performance." Abruptly shifting from high-stimulation screen time to demanding tasks creates a "dopamine cliff," a brain chemistry drop that often shows up as resistance and conflict. Understanding both concepts helps parents smooth those transitions and build real skills and confidence in their kids over time.
READ MORE >for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.
