Parenting & Family Life

Changing Your Mind: A Parent's Guide to Tech Decisions

a school gathering to watch screenagers
May 6, 2025
5
min read
Delaney Ruston, MD
Lisa Tabb
a school gathering to watch screenagers

In Summary

A topic I hear from parents regularly is regret—regret about saying yes to a tech device too soon. Maybe it was a smartphone, a smartwatch, a gaming console in the bedroom, or allowing social media.

In The Power Of Regret, author Daniel Pink reminds us that regret can be a powerful teacher,  not just through our own experiences but also by listening to others' experiences.

Today’s post is about how to reverse course on a tech decision for your child thoughtfully — and possibly prevent even deeper regret down the road.

With the school year ending soon, some parents are considering giving a phone as a graduation gift from elementary or middle school. Others are rethinking decisions they’ve already made, like allowing Snapchat or certain graphic video games. If this is you, you’re not alone — and it’s not too late to reconsider.

Yes, this is hard. Kids have strong reasons and emotions for wanting devices — they want to be included in group texts, video games, social media, and so on. These feelings are real.

But the downsides are real, too. Many parents are working to delay smartphone use, with researchers like Jonathan Haidt recommending waiting until high school as a minimum. In Screenagers: Elementary School Age Edition, some parents share their goal of delaying until age 15 — one dad says he’s not giving his kid a phone until he’s 18. The intention is strong, but the pressure is real.

So let’s talk about what it looks like to reverse course.

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It's not easy to reverse a decision, especially when we've promised something as significant as a first phone. But changing course — when done with care and honesty — isn't just okay, it's often one of the healthiest things we can model for our kids. 

As parents, we’re always learning. Sometimes we get new information or realize something doesn’t sit right. Reversing a decision isn’t weak — it’s responsible. It shows kids that flexibility, reflection, and long-term thinking matter more than following through for the sake of it.

Delaying a phone or stepping back from a tech choice doesn’t break trust — it builds it. When you’re transparent about your reasoning, you teach your child that parenting is about protecting, guiding, and being willing to do the hard thing in their best interest.

You also show them that it’s okay to reconsider, to be unsure, and to prioritize wellbeing over peer pressure.

What to Say to an 11-Year-Old:

  • I know we talked about you getting a phone soon, and I want to be honest with you—we’ve decided to wait a little longer.
  • This wasn’t an easy choice, and it’s not because you’ve done anything wrong.
  • We’ve just been learning more about how much a phone can affect things like focus, sleep, and even how people connect.
  • We also learned more about the risks of kids having what are basically portable computers.
  • We want to set you up for success — and right now, that means waiting.
  • It’s okay to feel disappointed. We’ll keep talking, and when the time is right, we’ll create a plan together.
  • Also, the things you want a phone for — like staying in touch with friends — we’ll help you do that in other ways. Your friendships and time with friends matter to us.

Anticipate the question: "If not now, when?"

It’s okay to say you don’t have a specific date. Let your child know you’re gathering information, listening, and working to make a thoughtful decision. 

If you’re talking with other parents about delaying phones or smartwatches as a community, be honest with your child and let them know.

Conversation Starters:

  1. “Given this change, what worries are coming up for you?”

  2. “What are some fun, interesting, or important things we can do without tech?” (Make a list together.)

  3. “What are some ways we can help you feel connected to your friends without needing a phone right now?”

host a screening

Learn more about showing our movies in your school or community!

Podcast

Join Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD for our latest Podcast

Learn more about our Screen-Free Sleep campaign at the website!

Screenagers elementary edition

Our movie made for parents and educators of younger kids

Podcast

Join Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD for our latest Podcast

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Parenting & Family Life

Changing Your Mind: A Parent's Guide to Tech Decisions

Delaney Ruston, MD
Lisa Tabb smiling to camera (Screenagers Producer)
Lisa Tabb
May 6, 2025

As we’re about to celebrate 10 years of Screenagers, we want to hear what’s been most helpful and what you’d like to see next.

Please click here to share your thoughts with us in our community survey. It only takes 5–10 minutes, and everyone who completes it will be entered to win one of five $50 Amazon vouchers.

A topic I hear from parents regularly is regret—regret about saying yes to a tech device too soon. Maybe it was a smartphone, a smartwatch, a gaming console in the bedroom, or allowing social media.

In The Power Of Regret, author Daniel Pink reminds us that regret can be a powerful teacher,  not just through our own experiences but also by listening to others' experiences.

Today’s post is about how to reverse course on a tech decision for your child thoughtfully — and possibly prevent even deeper regret down the road.

With the school year ending soon, some parents are considering giving a phone as a graduation gift from elementary or middle school. Others are rethinking decisions they’ve already made, like allowing Snapchat or certain graphic video games. If this is you, you’re not alone — and it’s not too late to reconsider.

Yes, this is hard. Kids have strong reasons and emotions for wanting devices — they want to be included in group texts, video games, social media, and so on. These feelings are real.

But the downsides are real, too. Many parents are working to delay smartphone use, with researchers like Jonathan Haidt recommending waiting until high school as a minimum. In Screenagers: Elementary School Age Edition, some parents share their goal of delaying until age 15 — one dad says he’s not giving his kid a phone until he’s 18. The intention is strong, but the pressure is real.

So let’s talk about what it looks like to reverse course.

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It's not easy to reverse a decision, especially when we've promised something as significant as a first phone. But changing course — when done with care and honesty — isn't just okay, it's often one of the healthiest things we can model for our kids. 

As parents, we’re always learning. Sometimes we get new information or realize something doesn’t sit right. Reversing a decision isn’t weak — it’s responsible. It shows kids that flexibility, reflection, and long-term thinking matter more than following through for the sake of it.

Delaying a phone or stepping back from a tech choice doesn’t break trust — it builds it. When you’re transparent about your reasoning, you teach your child that parenting is about protecting, guiding, and being willing to do the hard thing in their best interest.

You also show them that it’s okay to reconsider, to be unsure, and to prioritize wellbeing over peer pressure.

What to Say to an 11-Year-Old:

  • I know we talked about you getting a phone soon, and I want to be honest with you—we’ve decided to wait a little longer.
  • This wasn’t an easy choice, and it’s not because you’ve done anything wrong.
  • We’ve just been learning more about how much a phone can affect things like focus, sleep, and even how people connect.
  • We also learned more about the risks of kids having what are basically portable computers.
  • We want to set you up for success — and right now, that means waiting.
  • It’s okay to feel disappointed. We’ll keep talking, and when the time is right, we’ll create a plan together.
  • Also, the things you want a phone for — like staying in touch with friends — we’ll help you do that in other ways. Your friendships and time with friends matter to us.

Anticipate the question: "If not now, when?"

It’s okay to say you don’t have a specific date. Let your child know you’re gathering information, listening, and working to make a thoughtful decision. 

If you’re talking with other parents about delaying phones or smartwatches as a community, be honest with your child and let them know.

Conversation Starters:

  1. “Given this change, what worries are coming up for you?”

  2. “What are some fun, interesting, or important things we can do without tech?” (Make a list together.)

  3. “What are some ways we can help you feel connected to your friends without needing a phone right now?”

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Available now - Parenting in the Screen Age, from Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD

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Join Today - Members can screen and view our movies year-round, access new lesson plans, resources and much more!

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Learn More
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Available now - Parenting in the Screen Age, from Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD

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Community Screenings - Learn more about hosting your own Screenagers community screening event!

Learn More
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Free Book Preview - Download a free preview of "Parenting In The Screen Age" by Delaney Ruston, MD

Learn More
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Learn More
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Screenagers: Elementary School Age Edition - Learn more about our latest movie.

Learn More
Child sleeping peacefully in bed under a gray blanket with text saying 'Screen-Free Sleep' and cartoon purple Z's.

Learn more about the Screen-Free Sleep campaign at the website!

Visit Website
Parenting & Family Life

Changing Your Mind: A Parent's Guide to Tech Decisions

Delaney Ruston, MD
May 6, 2025

A topic I hear from parents regularly is regret—regret about saying yes to a tech device too soon. Maybe it was a smartphone, a smartwatch, a gaming console in the bedroom, or allowing social media.

In The Power Of Regret, author Daniel Pink reminds us that regret can be a powerful teacher,  not just through our own experiences but also by listening to others' experiences.

Today’s post is about how to reverse course on a tech decision for your child thoughtfully — and possibly prevent even deeper regret down the road.

With the school year ending soon, some parents are considering giving a phone as a graduation gift from elementary or middle school. Others are rethinking decisions they’ve already made, like allowing Snapchat or certain graphic video games. If this is you, you’re not alone — and it’s not too late to reconsider.

Yes, this is hard. Kids have strong reasons and emotions for wanting devices — they want to be included in group texts, video games, social media, and so on. These feelings are real.

But the downsides are real, too. Many parents are working to delay smartphone use, with researchers like Jonathan Haidt recommending waiting until high school as a minimum. In Screenagers: Elementary School Age Edition, some parents share their goal of delaying until age 15 — one dad says he’s not giving his kid a phone until he’s 18. The intention is strong, but the pressure is real.

So let’s talk about what it looks like to reverse course.

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