Recently, the Netflix series Adolescence became one of the platform’s most-watched limited series. It tells the fictional story of a 13-year-old boy whose descent into online misogyny and emotional isolation ends in tragedy. I’ve heard from many parents who watched it in one sitting — and others who said, “I can’t bear to watch, but I want to understand what it’s about.”
The series captures with haunting accuracy the quiet erosion of connection, empathy, and safety that can happen because our kids are growing up online — especially when they’re alone with big emotions and unfiltered content.
You don’t have to watch it to understand the real-life issues it raises — issues I hear about from families, teachers, and teens every day.
If you're parenting a tween or teen right now, here are the takeaways that matter most:
In the show, the child’s parents believe he’s safe in his room — but he’s not. He’s alone with the internet, slowly absorbing messages that twist his worldview and sense of self-worth. This is happening in real life, and it often starts with nothing more than a phone under the covers.
We know from sleep science, emotional regulation research, and countless family stories that nighttime is when kids are most vulnerable — and least likely to make thoughtful choices online.
Start a device-free bedroom policy now, ideally for both day and night. If daytime is not possible, at least do this for night and sleep time. How? I have written a lot on this and spoken about it on podcast episodes
Rather than set up a docking station for charging overnight, I recommend keeping kids’ devices in the parent's bedroom. Docking stations in common rooms, like a kitchen, can be too tempting for young ones to sneak the devices late at night. Create a routine that helps kids wind down with books, conversation, or other calming activities. It’s a small boundary with a big impact.
One trend that’s increasingly shaping how boys see themselves, especially tweens, is the fitness-focused, hyper-masculine content flooding social media. We’re seeing boys who haven’t even hit puberty yet feeling like they should be lifting weights, downing protein shakes, and achieving “alpha” status.
In Screenagers: Elementary School Age Edition, Jonathan Haidt, author of The Anxious Generation, talks about how body dysmorphia is on the rise for boys.
During these tween years, boys are biologically not supposed to be muscular or physically mature. And it’s happening while many of their female peers are developing faster, which can quietly erode boys’ self-esteem even more.
This pressure to be physically strong is often wrapped up with messages about dominance, toughness, and sexual power. Combine this with the rise in early exposure to pornography, and boys are being shown unrealistic, and sometimes harmful, models of manhood before they’ve even figured out who they are.
And when they don’t live up to these impossible ideals, that’s when shame creeps in. It turns inward, sometimes leading to anxiety, isolation, and insecurity. Other times, it comes out sideways with things like sarcasm, bullying, and physical aggression.
Talk to your son about what he's seeing online around body image, fitness, and masculinity. Ask him what it feels like to be a boy in today’s world. Help him name and question the pressure to be physically strong or sexually experienced before he’s ready. Normalize being a late bloomer, being soft-hearted, being unsure.
In the show, we learn that a girl sent a topless photo that was circulated in school. She was teased because of her breast size. She felt terrible. She is then asked out by a boy (the lead in the story) and mercilessly starts being mean to him.
She feels hurt and vulnerable and then turns that hurt and pain onto someone else. Girls experience all sorts of social pressures, not just to send nudes but lots of other requests from boys as well as snide remarks from other girls, exclusion from online groups, and the list goes on.
How are parents supposed to know the many layers of social conflict a child may be experiencing?
Talk to kids about the many ways that social conflict and pain are played out among girls (and boys, of course).
In The Screenagers Podcast from last week, we hear a school principal talk about a girl who was made fun of online and then felt “relevant” when she was able to post something mean about someone else on another student’s anonymous Instagram site — a site that was considered cool among some students.
Another part of Adolescence that feels painfully accurate is how online bullying — especially around sexuality and social status — can fuel deep internal damage. Kids may not tell adults what’s happening in group chats, comments, or DMs. But the impact is real: name-calling, exposure of private photos, rumors, and public humiliation that spreads in seconds and lives forever.
And kids might not tell us the secret meaning of emojis. In Adolescence, we learn about the use of emojis that carry hidden (and inappropriate) messages. Some have to do with the idea of being an ‘incel’ (involuntary celibate).
For boys especially, the shame of being rejected or mocked online can become tangled with messages they’ve internalized about needing to be in control, admired, or sexually powerful. The fear of looking “weak” can prevent them from asking for help — just when they need it most.
Reassure your child that they can come to you about anything that happens online — even if it’s embarrassing. I have termed this “Safety First”. I describe this in Screenagers: Elementary School Age Edition as the following:
“Social media is complicated. Even group chats and texting can get complicated. What is clear is that I want my kids to know that they can talk with us and we won't reflexively take away their devices. I call this Safety First.”
Help your child identify other trusted adults they can turn to. Make it clear that needing help is a sign of strength, not failure.
During adolescence (the development stage), a boy doesn’t become a different person overnight. Any troubling changes would be slower, becoming more irritable, isolated, and reactive over time.
These shifts are easy to overlook or dismiss in real life as “just teen stuff.” That isn’t to say all boys go through these changes, and certainly not to the degree you see in the show. If they do happen, don’t immediately dismiss them as just “teen stuff.” If your gut is worried, pay attention.
Kids who are struggling with bullying, shame, or feeling like outsiders often gravitate toward online voices that offer a false sense of power or belonging. Sometimes, these voices promote cruelty or rigid gender roles as solutions to their pain.
Stay alert to mood, energy, and interest shifts. If your child suddenly becomes obsessed with one influencer, starts mocking certain groups, or shuts down emotionally, lean in. If something feels off and stays off, trust your instinct and act. But don’t jump to extremes without listening and observing first.
Intervention doesn’t mean yelling or banning everything. Ask gentle, open questions. Stay calm, curious, and present. It might mean removing devices for a time, bringing in a therapist, or getting support from teachers or mentors.
Adolescence isn’t required viewing for parents, but the issues it raises are already in our homes, schools, and kids’ pockets. Whether it’s a sixth grader being teased in a group chat, an eighth grader silently comparing his body to what he sees on TikTok, or a freshman trying to act tougher than he feels, these moments matter.
And they’re not beyond our reach. What kids need most isn’t control — it’s connection. A parent who listens without lecturing. A home that feels safe. And boundaries that say: “I care enough to protect you, even when it’s uncomfortable.”
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Recently, the Netflix series Adolescence became one of the platform’s most-watched limited series. It tells the fictional story of a 13-year-old boy whose descent into online misogyny and emotional isolation ends in tragedy. I’ve heard from many parents who watched it in one sitting — and others who said, “I can’t bear to watch, but I want to understand what it’s about.”
The series captures with haunting accuracy the quiet erosion of connection, empathy, and safety that can happen because our kids are growing up online — especially when they’re alone with big emotions and unfiltered content.
You don’t have to watch it to understand the real-life issues it raises — issues I hear about from families, teachers, and teens every day.
If you're parenting a tween or teen right now, here are the takeaways that matter most:
In the show, the child’s parents believe he’s safe in his room — but he’s not. He’s alone with the internet, slowly absorbing messages that twist his worldview and sense of self-worth. This is happening in real life, and it often starts with nothing more than a phone under the covers.
We know from sleep science, emotional regulation research, and countless family stories that nighttime is when kids are most vulnerable — and least likely to make thoughtful choices online.
Start a device-free bedroom policy now, ideally for both day and night. If daytime is not possible, at least do this for night and sleep time. How? I have written a lot on this and spoken about it on podcast episodes
Rather than set up a docking station for charging overnight, I recommend keeping kids’ devices in the parent's bedroom. Docking stations in common rooms, like a kitchen, can be too tempting for young ones to sneak the devices late at night. Create a routine that helps kids wind down with books, conversation, or other calming activities. It’s a small boundary with a big impact.
One trend that’s increasingly shaping how boys see themselves, especially tweens, is the fitness-focused, hyper-masculine content flooding social media. We’re seeing boys who haven’t even hit puberty yet feeling like they should be lifting weights, downing protein shakes, and achieving “alpha” status.
In Screenagers: Elementary School Age Edition, Jonathan Haidt, author of The Anxious Generation, talks about how body dysmorphia is on the rise for boys.
During these tween years, boys are biologically not supposed to be muscular or physically mature. And it’s happening while many of their female peers are developing faster, which can quietly erode boys’ self-esteem even more.
This pressure to be physically strong is often wrapped up with messages about dominance, toughness, and sexual power. Combine this with the rise in early exposure to pornography, and boys are being shown unrealistic, and sometimes harmful, models of manhood before they’ve even figured out who they are.
And when they don’t live up to these impossible ideals, that’s when shame creeps in. It turns inward, sometimes leading to anxiety, isolation, and insecurity. Other times, it comes out sideways with things like sarcasm, bullying, and physical aggression.
Talk to your son about what he's seeing online around body image, fitness, and masculinity. Ask him what it feels like to be a boy in today’s world. Help him name and question the pressure to be physically strong or sexually experienced before he’s ready. Normalize being a late bloomer, being soft-hearted, being unsure.
Spring breaks have begun around the country. It is the perfect time to address this topic: how do we encourage self-efficacy and independence in our kids and teens, given the many obstacles to doing so? Obstacles such as their desire to stay inside and consume (video games, YouTube, shows, social media, etc.) or parents’ fears around letting kids do things out in the world alone.
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All parents of kids or teens have been there: We realize we need to set a new boundary or limit, often from a desire to ensure healthier media time for our kids, and the result is one very angry child. Sometimes, that anger dissipates quickly, but other times, it can seem like their anger towards us lasts a long time–which can be so challenging for parents to sit with.
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So many listeners of The Screenagers Podcast have told us that what makes the show extra special and helpful to them is hearing real world examples from other parents, teachers, teens and kids who share their challenges, concerns, advice and solutions on matters related to screen time, social media and this digital age in general. This year we’re excited to create the Screenagers Caring Community! This is a group of our listeners and supporters — both youth and adults — who are interested in speaking on The Screenagers Podcast and sharing their stories, opinions, advice and more.
READ MORE >for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.
